A Punch in the Gut
by PieceOfShit96
Summary: Cutter wants to do something special for Otis and keeps the shop open late. All hell breaks loose. Cutter/Otis rejects smut
1. Chapter 1

Otis grunted as he landed- the blow was hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs.

"Catch your breath?"

Otis glared defiantly back. "Fuck you."

The other man grabbed Otis by the upper arms, slamming him against the headboard once more. Otis struggled against the strong hands.

"Urgh! Stop!"

Needful, greedy lips were on his as soon as he spoke, pushing his head against the headboard. Otis moaned into the other man's mouth, letting his hands wander his back. Otis felt firm hands grab his wrists, slamming them above his head.

"Mm! Cutter, fuck..." Otis squirmed against him.

The clown smirked. "Yeah, I like it when you struggle a little." He kissed Otis once more. "And I know you do, too."

Otis smirked, that mischievous twinkle glittering in his cerulean eyes. Cutter leaned in to him, and Otis moved to catch his lips. Cutter pulled away, chuckling.

"Ah ah ah."

Otis tried once more to kiss Cutter, but the older man jerked away. Otis whimpered in protest. "John..."

"What?" He began to stroke Otis through his jeans, making the blonde gasp and jerk his head back, wrapping it off of the wood behind him. "What do you want?"

"Hnn..."

Cutter moved closer to Otis once more, and Otis tried to kiss him, just as Cutter knew he would. In warning, he became rougher with Otis's member, then slamming his hands against the headboard. Otis grunted in protest. "You know better. I'm going to give you what you like more than kisses if you just hold still."

Peering at him through half-closed eyes, already panting, Cutter saw the anticipation in Otis's eyes.

Otis turned his head away as Cutter approached him this time, gasping as he felt the other man's beard on the sensitive flesh of his neck. Spaulding suckled and kissed Otis's neck and ear, nibbling his lobes and biting the tanned flesh as he groped Otis's manhood. Otis whined and squirmed, moaning loudly as Cutter hit just the right spot.

"Calm down little angel, we haven't even gotten started yet. keep squirming like that and I'll have to tie you up or handcuff you."

"Not a fucking chance."

"You still too scared?" He asked as he licked Otis's collarbone. Otis whimpered, which Cutter took as a yes. Otis began to buck his hips up to meet Cutter's hand, moaning when they made contact. Cutter pushed Otis's hips down to the bed , digging his knees into them. Otis grimaced in pain and arched his back. "Now just what do you think you're doing?" He asked, unbuttoning Otis's jeans and reaching into the fabric, just grazing the silver hair growing above the waist bad of his boxers. "I thought I told you to keep shaved?"

"Yeah, didn't want to."

"You'll have to pay for that, little angel." He entwined his fingers in Otis's hair, pulling hard against the roots, and kissed him forcefully. throwing Otis away from him, he commanded, "Take your fucking clothes off. I've waited all day to see that view."

Otis quickly undressed, lying back down on the bed again. Cutter instantly pinned him, now also naked.

"You been waiting for me?"

Otis nodded, biting his lip.

"How do you want it tonight, little angel?" He whispered hotly in Otis's ear.

"Any way you want it, baby."

Cutter smirked, dispensing a small amount of lubricant onto his fingers and then inserting them into Otis, who squirmed slightly, then applied some to his own member. "I'm going to fuck you hard and slow tonight. Multiple times. You'll still be moaning when you fall asleep tonight."

Otis cried out as Cutter entered him. His thrusts were slow and hard, just as he had promised. He tried to caress the clown, but his hands were slammed against the headboard again.

"I didn't say you could touch me." He bit down on Otis's neck, kissing and suckling the flesh between his teeth. Otis whimpered and struggled against him.

"J...John..." He murmured breathlessly. "John, harder. Fuck me harder, John...I'm close. I'm close!"

Cutter plunged deeply into Otis, making him shriek in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Increasing his speed, he unleashed his load into Otis, who followed a few moments later.

Knowing Otis was exhausted, Cutter wrapped his long, blond hair around his fist and jerked him upright from the bed, leading him to the dresser, slamming him onto the smooth surface. Without warning, Cutter shoved himself into Otis from behind, working into an accelerated rhythm. Otis felt his eyes roll back in his head as Cutter hit his spot.

"Ooh, there we go."

Otis groaned into the wood furniture, trying to stop his head from spinning from the sensations. Once he had gained his bearings, he began to move his hips back to meet Cutter's in rhythm.

"Come on, little angel. Cum for me."

"Hnn..." Otis whimpered. It felt so good, he didn't want the moment to end. "No..."

"I SAID. Cum for me!" Cutter roughly grabbed Otis's hips, tilting him at just the right angle to mercilessly plow into him until Otis came so hard Cutter thought he would bleed.

Otis lay panting on the dresser, looking over his shoulder at the clown.

"You always say you don't like it from behind, but god does it get you every time."

"It doesn't scare me as much anymore..." He answered, straightening up and turning to face Spaulding and leaning back on the dresser. "I know it's my John."

"Mm-hm." He wrapped his arms around Otis's thin frame, pulling him close and kissing him sweetly, tenderly. "And I'd never hurt my little angel."

"Your handprint bruises say a different thing."

"Not my fault you bruise like a peach." He pecked Otis lightly on the lips again, running his fingers through the other man's long silvery blonde hair, pushing it away from his face as he raked his fingers through the crown. "I love you..."

Otis sighed contentedly at the three words. He hadn't brought himself to return the words yet, but Cutter knew he returned the affection.

As they lay in bed together that night, Cutter held Otis closely, raking his fingers gently up and down a tanned arm, tickling lightly. Otis slept beside him soundly-the only place he had ever slept soundly.

For as much as Otis put up with from Cutter, he deserved a treat. Cutter had pushed Otis's boundaries time and time again and Otis had let him. He could count the times on one hand, however, that Otis had truly gotten scared when they were being physical. Years and years of abuse-physical, emotional, and sexual- from the two people who were supposed to love you unconditionally could do that, though. And somehow, even though he HAD been petrified a few times, Otis still trusted him. Wholly. And Cutter loved every inch of that body that had been hit and whipped and punched and cut and had seen so much pain.

He wanted to do something special for him. Something that would really show how much the clown appreciated the gorgeous man lying next to him. How much he appreciated being let in to that heart that was so carefully protected.

But as of late, he couldn't afford much other than the baselines of living. If, however, he started working later at the shop, people would come. It was always drifters- much like Otis- who came in late at night and wanted to see the museum. How many times had he scolded one, sending them away? He would concede to them now. Earn more money. Figure out what he could get Otis when he had time to think.

Now, he could barely hold his eyes open as he wrapped his arm around Otis, pulling him close before he fell into the lull of slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

Cutter smiled down at Otis, sleeping soundly in the bed he had just exited. He truly had to marvel at how far the man lying before him had come. That walking skeleton that wandered into his shop, flinching at every move, barely clinging to life. Infection had ravaged his body and he had died on Hugo two or three times. He had been horribly abused- sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally- and had certainly wandered into the right town at the right time. It had taken months for him to be fully recovered. No full grown adult should weigh 80 pounds at six foot tall. Otis still struggled with an eating disorder, but he had done remarkably well lately- eating three full meals every day and beginning to lift with Rufus. Cutter could see a difference in his muscles already- and the way Otis could fight back.

He felt Otis should be rewarded for his efforts- if anything, in an attempt to reinforce his recovery. He couldn't afford it, he knew, but he would work late to be able to pay for something-anything.

Otis's eyes clenched shut tightly and he whimpered, fidgeting. Cutter stroked the long silvery locks out of his face and stroked his cheek. "Shhhh. Come on, little angel. It's okay."

"Hn...I'm awake. Back's sore."

"Was it something I did last night?"

"No...I don't think so." Otis sighed. "God knows I probably had it broke as a kid or some shit...And it wouldn't have healed right."

"You want me to rub it?"

Otis shook his head. "Don't think it would help. Not the muscle."

"You love it when I rub your back, though."

"I do. But we have to get up and get goin'."

"Fine. I'll give you a nice rub down when I get home. Draw you a hot bath and everything."

"Sure." Otis sighed, standing and grimacing in pain for a moment. It took him a few fumbling steps to gain his bearings, but he eventually stood straight.

The day drug on for the two of them, Otis working on a sculpture or some other promotion in the back room while Cutter tended the shop.

"Hey, Cutter." Otis peeked his head out from the room. "You need any help out here?"

"No, I'm good. How're you doing?"

"Good. Needed to stand up for a minute." He stretched, his tight tank top riding up and exposing his abdomen. Cutter licked his lips.

"You shaved."

"Yeah. This morning in the shower."

The clown smirked.

"I love you."

"Mm-hm." Otis grunted, smirking back.

"And I know you love me too or you wouldn't have done that."

Otis cocked his head, considering. "You're right."

Grabbing Otis's ass, Cutter kissed him firmly on the mouth, neither of them aware of the customer standing outside. As they broke away, Otis heading to the back room again, Cutter swatted his ass, eliciting an alarmed yelp from the younger man. "Yeah, yeah you like it. Hey, actually, Otis...I'm gonna run the shop open a little later to see if I can catch a few more people. Why don't you go on ahead back?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Go home and rest that back. You're done for the day."

"Alright. I'll see you back at your place then."

"Yeah." After a quick peck on the lips, they parted ways.

Otis hurried back to their-Cutter's- home and cleaned and picked up what he could. He was exhausted, but he wanted to make sure Cutter knew he was loved, since Otis had such a hard time saying the words.

"I love you..." Otis muttered to himself as he wiped off the kitchen table. He shook his head. The words didn't somehow fit in his mouth. _Unlike Cutter's cock._ He thought to himself, chuckling at his own sick joke.

He ordered takeout from their favorite restaurant. He contemplated killing the delivery boy out of sheer annoyance and horniness- and frustration at BEING horny without Cutter at the ready- but he decided the risks weren't worth what little payoff he would get from slicing the teenager with the grating voice's throat.

Sitting alone in the dark, waiting for Cutter to come home, he smiled to himself. He finally felt comfortable with someone. Was finally loved. He never thought he would be. Not in a million years.

Time passed and passed. Otis became aggravated. He felt like a fool, putting together this rouse of a date to try and woo Cutter. He would fucking laugh as soon as he walked through that door, chiding him about his femininity.

Finally, he heard a loud thump at the door and some groaning. Otis grimaced. He had seriously brought a girl home tonight? TONIGHT? When Otis had planned on romancing Cutter and trying to get those words off of his tongue and his heart? Fuck, perfectly John. Always fucking something up.

"Cutter?" Otis stood, worried that he hadn't heard his footsteps into the living room or up the stairs yet.

"Little angel..." he moaned, grappling for Otis's shoulder as he toppled forward.

"John! What the hell happened to you!?"

"Got...the shit kicked out of me."

"Well, that much is obvious. By who? What happened?"

"Kids saw us kiss...Beat the shit out of me..." He choked, spitting blood onto the floor Otis had just cleaned. "Said...We were faggots...Were going to hell. Needed killed. Took about 50 dollars..."

"Shit, John..." Otis desperately tried to drag Cutter into the living room, to no avail. "Johnny, you gotta help me, okay? Think you can walk for me a little bit?"

"Nn..." Cutter nodded. His strength was waning. He still wasn't entirely sure how he had made it back. He grunted in pain when Otis threw him unceremoniously onto the couch.

"I'll be right back, okay? Just gotta get what I have to to take care of you. Alright?"

Cutter nodded dumbly, whimpering. After a few moments, he felt Otis shake him to gain his attention.

"Okay. This is gonna hurt a little. I'm sorry."

Cutter hissed in pain as Otis began to clean up his split lip and eyebrow, the cut on the bridge of his nose, and wipe the blood from his face. As much pain as he was in, he had to marvel at how soft and gentle Otis worked. He imagined himself as one of his sculptures, in the process of being uncovered.

He heard Otis chuckle. "You'll get plenty of lovin' as soon as I'm done, okay? I promise." He smiled, batting away Cutter's bear-paw like hands. "You've gotta let me work." He pressed a quick, gentle kiss on Cutter's lips. "I know this ain't the best, but..."

Cutter shook his head. "How d'you know...How to do this?" He asked as Otis patched his eyebrow.

He sighed, smiling slightly. "Well...No one was gonna patch me up when I was a kid. Had to learn to do it myself."

A wave of sadness overtook the clown as he imagined Otis as a little boy, tears rolling down his face as he took care of his own wounds inflicted by the only people who were never supposed to hurt him. He grappled for Otis's waist, pulling him close and nuzzling into his chest.

"Hey, I'm not done yet..."

When Cutter pulled away, his heart melted. Otis smiled warmly down at him, chuckling, blue eyes unable to mask the worry his smile did. As much as he thought he took care of Otis, he realized that it hadn't been just the clown taking care of the seemingly broken man. Otis had taken care of him in more ways than he realized, healing holes in his heart he hadn't even known were there until the pain was suddenly gone.

Otis placed another quick kiss on his lips. "Come on, John. You gotta let me take care of you like you took care of me. Don't you remember?"

Oh, how he remembered. The frail shell of a human being that had wandered in to his shop not that long ago was almost unrecognizable in the man that stood before him.

He felt Otis pushing him back to the bed- or lowering him, rather, he wasn't providing much resistance.

"Alright. I'm just gonna feel your ribs and see if any of 'em are broken, alright? Just tell me when it hurts."

He felt Otis palpate, and no blossom of pain exploded until he traded sides, leaving Cutter gasping for air underneath him.

"Shhh, Shh...I know it hurts. Believe me, I know it hurts. Shh. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He stroked Cutter's face with his thumb, kissing him lightly. "It's okay." He tried to pull away, but a firm arm held him there. "Johnny, I know all you want is to cuddle and snuggle and be held. Believe me, of all people, I would know. When you get the shit kicked out of you, all you want is someone to hold you and tell you it's okay. And I will. I promise I will. But you've gotta let me take care of you first."

Grunting, Cutter released Otis, who trotted out of the room for more supplies. He imagined Otis curled into a ball, bleeding and naked as a young boy, begging for someone to touch him without foul intentions. To hold him and tell him it was alright. He knew Otis was treating him as he had always wanted to be treated in those situations, but never had, and it warmed his heart to no end.

He felt a cool sensation on his painful side and gasped in ecstasy. Otis chuckled and shook his head.

"Old trick I learned when I was about 3 or 4...As the ice melts, the cool water still helps..." His smile faded. "Worked...when Daddy started...uhm..."

"When he raped you..." Cutter managed, reaching up to stroke Otis's face. Otis nodded, placing his hand over the large one on his cheek.

"Soothes the ache a little bit. Enough to sleep."

"You're so good to me..."

Otis scoffed. "You need taken care of, John. I'm just doing what I have to do."

"You don't have to say 'I love you'...This is more than enough to tell me."

Blushing and shaking his head, Otis secured the ice-filled bag to Cutter's side with medical tape, crawling into the bed with him. "You're more to yourself." He remarked, stroking Cutter's bald head.

"Those kisses brought me back to life."

"Mm." Otis grunted. "Well what can I do to put you to sleep? You certainly need it."

"Let me hold you."

"Alright." Otis rearranged himself into a position that was comfortable for the both of them, letting Cutter settle. "Uhm...John...?"

"Hm...?"

"I love you..."

The clown smiled hugely, burrowing his face into Otis's shoulder, despite the pain that radiated through the tissue. "I love you too, little angel. I love you so much." He placed a soft kiss on Otis's shoulder blade, allowing himself to drift into sleep, heart full of love and face full of bandages.


	3. Chapter 3

Cutter awoke the next day, still holding Otis closely in his arms. He was extremely thankful Otis hadn't had any nightmares that night. Usually, dealing with the smaller man flailing and screaming wasn't that much of a problem. But with broken ribs and bruises, he would have just shoved Otis onto the floor to wake him up. He couldn't have held him down in the condition he was in.

He slowly rose, groaning in pain at the movement. How in the hell had Otis done it most of his life? Get beaten to hell-worse than he had, he was sure- and then gotten up the next day and had it all done to him again. How had he worked when he was in such pitiful shape? Cutter could barely pry himself out of bed, but Otis was on death's door when he walked through Spaulding's.

"John...?" Otis stirred. "Where you goin'?"

"I gotta pee. I'll be back. Just go back to sleep."

"Oh..." Otis settled again, burrowing under the blankets.

Cutter wandered downstairs to work some of the stiffness out of his body. God, he was sore.

He noticed how clean the house was. Had Otis picked up? Meandering into the kitchen, he saw the bag from their favorite takeout restaurant. Had Otis eaten without prompting? Opening the refrigerator door, he saw the two cartons neatly placed side by side. Otis's favorite order and his favorite order. Piecing together the evidence, his heart sunk. Otis had been waiting for him to come home. He had planned something special to be waiting for Cutter when he finally got home.

He walked back up the stairs-slowly and painfully- and settled back into bed. Otis whimpered and startled at the movement, but curled up to him once again.

Cutter kissed Otis's shoulder lightly, trying to get his attention.

"What, John...?" He sleepily mumbled.

"Did you eat yesterday?"

"What?" He turned over to face the clown. "We ate lunch together. You know I did."

"Did you keep it down?"

Otis nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

He felt his heart clench as Otis stared at him with those blue eyes. Those eyes were dangerous- Otis could get anything he wanted with a look. They were expressive. Now, Cutter could see the concern and worry in them- worry that he would get in trouble for not eating. But Otis could also turn them into piercing blue ice if he needed to. It was rare that Cutter saw the side of Otis most people saw, but when he did, it was a force to be reckoned with. "Did you eat dinner?"

He fell silent, breaking eye contact and looking down. Spaulding placed a finger under Otis's chin, tilting his head back up to meet his eyes once more. "N...No..."

"I saw the takeout containers in the refrigerator. Why didn't you eat?"

"You weren't here."

"You planned something for us?"

Otis's face reddened and the tried to turn away, but Spaulding wouldn't let him. "Yes..."

He placed a light kiss on Otis's lips. "That was very thoughtful. I'm sorry I messed it up...I'm sure it was great, whatever you had planned."

Otis's eyes lit up. He had feared ridicule, but instead had gotten praise. "I-I...I just...got us take out...that was all...B...Besides...It wasn't your fault you got beaten up..."

"No, but you certainly took care of me, didn't you? You did such a good job..."

"How are you feeling today?"

"I don't know how you did it, Otis. Getting beat up worse than this and getting up and doing it all again the next day." He shook his head. "And working when you were worse than this. I...You gotta be something else."

"I can run the shop today. I think you should stay here and rest."

"What if they come back for you?"

"I'll be waiting for them. They caught you off guard."

Cutter scoffed. "Yeah, you're always on guard. Even with me."

He shrugged. "Side effects of my childhood, we'll call it. Anyway, I think we should tell the family, too."

"Oh, Jesus Christ Otis-"

"They could help."

"With WHAT?!"

"The shop!"

Cutter sighed. "Just...They're going to be like mad hornets when they find out. Buzzing all around me fussing and fussing. I just want to rest."

"And you can. But I'm going to tell them."

"OTIS!"

"If Baby finds out you got hurt and I didn't tell her, she'll have my balls, John!"

He grunted. "You're right...But do you have to tell them today?"

"Yes."

"Just give me ONE day, Otis."

"No. I'm not dealing with the wrath of Baby."

"So you're going to let me deal with her mother?"

"Hey, you dealt with her before. By choice."

"Don't talk about your mother that way!"

Otis squinted at Cutter, the expression Cutter so affectionately called his 'what the fuck' face.

Sure enough, once Otis had let the family know what happened, Baby and Eve were fussing and fussing over him all day while Otis worked at the shop.

Cutter sighed with relief when he heard the door open and Otis's footsteps.

"Hey. What's up?" He asked cheerfully. "How's he doing?"

"Good. You did a good job patching him up, sweetie." Eve praised.

Otis shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell us last night, Otis?" Baby asked. "We would have helped.

"It was like...3 in the morning. I didn't need any help. I was fine."

"Ohhh, poor John." Eve stroked his face, cooing at him.

Otis felt his guts twist, but tried to ignore them. He and Eve had a past. And now that she was cooing and fussing over him?

No. It didn't mean anything. She was just worried.

She pressed a soft kiss to Cutter's bald head. "Poor Johnny got all beat up..." She stroked his chest lovingly. "Remember when you got sick and I would make you soup and cuddle you, Johnny? Remember that?"

"Sure do."

"Mmm..."

Otis tried desperately to hide a scowl. Green wasn't a flattering color on him, but jealousy reared its ugly head and he had to hide it. Eve couldn't know about their relationship. Neither could Baby. No one could.

When the two mother hens left, Otis sat down on the bed beside Cutter, arms crossed.

"Ohhh, stop it." Cutter laughed.

"What?"

"You know nothing's going on between her and I."

Otis blushed. Cutter had picked up on his mood. "How did you know?"

"Oh come on now. You think I didn't notice you sulking and pouting? You were so jealous I thought I would have to kiss you in front of them to make you stop."

"Hmph. She's the one that broke up with you. I don't know why she was acting like that."

"She's just worried, Otis. That's what she does. You know that as well as I do. Don't you remember the way she treated you when you were sick? The way she STILL treats you when you get sick?"

"Yeah..."

"Although, I will admit, it's flattering to see you jealous."

"Shut up."


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a few days since Cutter had gotten the shit kicked out of him. He was back to work, and working late again, much to Otis's dismay. Was Cutter trying to spend more time away from him? Was he irritating? Too needy? He knew that he craved affection...and sometimes he HAD to be annoying when he was incessant about it- desperately crawling under Cutter's arm when he was just trying to watch TV. Or needing to cuddle after sex. Or the affection he required DURING sex. Was he too much upkeep? Was he too high maintenance? He just needed loved...That was all he had wanted all his life...It wasn't his fault his parents had neglected him, starving him for attention along with true starvation. But did he need too much?

The shop was closed that day. He had gone into town to buy some groceries and returned to the house, unthinking of the car parked next to Cutter's in the driveway. They both had sex with women on the side. It was normal for them. Hell, he had had one yesterday.

But when he heard that familiar voice he froze. Then silence. No, it couldn't be her. He continued up the stairs once he had deposited the bags in the kitchen, pushing through their bedroom door without thinking.

"Otis!" That voice.

He jerked his head up, jaw dropping. "M-mom?!"

He heard Cutter's chuckle underneath her. "Hey uh. Why don't you shut the door on your way out, yeah?"

Slamming the door and pounding down the stairs, Otis's heart shattered. Any other woman was one thing. He could have picked any broad off the street and it would be fine.

But her? He had a past with her. A complicated, extremely emotional, deep past. One that had lead to a child. They had loved each other deeply at one point. This wasn't just a whore Cutter had decided to fuck. This was a past lover- more than that. They had been intimate- much more intimate than having sex. They had lived parts of their life together. Parts that Otis would never be a part of.

He should have known it wouldn't last. For all intents and purposes, they were both straight men. He just hadn't wanted to accept it. He had given so much to Cutter. he had gone so far as to tell him he loved him. He had never said that to anyone except his parents- and they had brutalized him. He had always vowed he wouldn't waste those words again. But then, he had.

He slunk down against the pantry wall in the kitchen, sobbing. How had he let this happen? How had he sunk this low? How had he gotten that desperate for love that he let a man fuck him? Even simply thinking about the way Cutter made love to him got him hot and bothered. He wrenched his fingers in his hair, punishing himself. How could he have let this happen? He had been so guarded. So careful. And here Cutter was. Just slipping right in.

"Otis?" He heard Cutter call. "Otis she left."

"Fuck..."

"Otis?"

He tried to bolt, but Cutter grabbed his arm firmly.

"Hey, hey where're you going?"

"John, ow!" He wrenched his arm free, glaring.

Cutter flinched back. Far from begging, those blue eyes had turned to ice, stabbing him through the heart. "What's wrong? You've been sobbing what's wrong?"

"Her?! Really!?"

"Otis-"

"I fucking told you I LOVE YOU. Do you have ANY idea how hard that is for me?! I fucking TOLD you and you just...you just...threw it away! I...I can't believe you got me to say that! You fucking MANIPULATED ME!"

"Otis-"

"You got me to say those words. Those words mean more to me than you can ever imagine because I've NEVER felt love in my life until I came here. And you made me waste them. Because you were just going to throw me away. Just like everyone else." He turned abruptly on his heels and bolted through the door of the house, slamming it behind him.

Cutter waited, figuring Otis needed to storm out to satisfy his own anger, but expecting him to return.

When a full day passed and Otis hadn't returned and neither he nor the rest of the family had heard from him or seen him, he began to worry.

Four days passed and no sign of Otis. Cutter was beside himself with fear. He knew Otis could survive on his own, but why had he left? What was going on?

Walking in town, he passed a man, crumbled in on himself. It was as if the weight of his own sadness was causing him to slouch.

Cutter wasn't the type to give to strangers. God knew he was tight and selfish in every sense of the word. But something possessed him to stop and kneel in front of him.

"Hey, if you're hungry, I could make you something. I run a food joint."

The man slowly looked up at Cutter, bottom lip trembling. "John...?"

"Otis!" Cutter grabbed him, pulling him into a warm embrace and squeezing him tightly. "Oh my god it's you! Thank god!" He pulled away to look at his face once more. "Oh it's you. It's you..."

Otis avoided eye contact, suddenly appearing shy.

Cutter took his face in his hands, scolding him. "Don't you EVER do that to me again!"

"You don't care. You're with her now."

"What?"

"Eve. Mom. You're back with her again."

"Otis no it...It was sympathy sex. She was pitying me because I was all busted up. It didn't mean anything."

"You two had something together...You two loved each other."

"Yeah, at one time. That time has passed." He sighed. "I mean. I still have love for her. I just...It's not the same as it was. And it never will be. Listen..." He took Otis's shoulders in his hands. "Eve and I have a past. Yeah. We do. Everyone has a past. But that's just what they are. In the past. I do love you Otis. But that's just exactly it. I love YOU. I don't love her. I love YOU."

Swallowing heavily, Otis looked up at him timidly.

"So come back to my house. Get cleaned up. We'll talk about it."

It seemed that Otis didn't really have an option before he was scooped off of the concrete by the clown, being led back to their home.

Once inside the safe confines of the door, John slowly kissed Otis, pulling him close. "Let's go get you a shower."

Otis expected to shower alone. But Cutter had other plans.

He lathered soap gently on Otis's chest, kissing his shoulder. "I was worried sick about you." He murmured against the slick, tanned skin. "You left in such a hurry and you were so upset. I didn't know where you'd get to...I thought you'd left for real...Left all of us. I couldn't have taken that."

"I don't have anywhere else to go..."

"That didn't stop you before." He squirted a fair amount of shampoo in his hands and began to lather Otis's hair, making him tilt his head back and groan in pleasure as he massaged his scalp. "I know you can survive on the streets. You've done it before.

"Mm-hmm..."

"Did you really think I had just tossed you to the side?"

"Mm...Yes..."

"I would never do that." He wrapped his arms around Otis, pulling him into a firm embrace. "I love you too much." He placed a kiss on Otis's shoulder. "Now here, let's rinse you off." He tilted Otis's head back into the spray, surprising him by kissing down his chest. "I missed you so much...I was so afraid I'd lost you."

Otis stood silently in the shower as Cutter gently caressed him. He was still apprehensive, but he wanted to succumb to the sweet touches.

Sitting on the couch next to each other, Otis held himself back. He curled into a ball at the opposite end of the couch, knees to his chest and arms around his shins, watching the TV.

Cutter sat for a few moments, then gently stroked Otis's shoulder. "You still mad at me?"

"Hmm? No..."

"Why're you sitting all the way over there?"

"I-I...Aren't I too annoying? Don't I ask for too much?"

He snorted. "No. My God no. I love it. I love it when you want attention from me. I love holding you. I love being the person that you trust enough to ask for that."

"You...You don't think I'm...Too needy?"

"No. I understand. You want affection and love because you never got it. And you always wanted it. Some people need it more than others."

"W...Why were you working at the shop late? You weren't trying to avoid me?"

"NO! Oh my god no. I want...I wanted to earn some extra money to...for a surprise for you. I don't know what or where or how yet, but I want to do something special for you."

"M-me? Why?"

"Because I love you, idiot. Now can I please hold you?"

Smiling, Otis moved over closer to Cutter, settling into his chest.

Yes. This is where he belonged.


	5. Chapter 5

Cutter held Otis tightly against him, pressing a sweet kiss to his head every so often and murmuring 'I love you'.

About the 10th time, Otis chuckled and turned to face him. "John!"

"I just want to make sure you know. It's important that you know."

"I do...I was just..."

"I know. You got scared that I would leave you and you freaked out. I'm just glad you're okay. I...I know it was really bad on the streets for you before...N...Nothing happened to you, did it?"

Otis shook his head. "No. I'm okay. Nothing like that happened..."

Cutter nodded. "Alright." He knew that in the years Otis had spent on the streets, he had been raped multiple times, had had the shit beaten out of him on multiple occasions, and had even had to resort to selling himself for money.

"Just some kinks and knots from sleeping on the ground, is all..."

"I can work those out for you if you want."

"You don't have t-" He gasped slightly as Cutter began to knead his sore muscles with strong, skilled fingers and hands.

"I want to. I want to make you feel better."

Otis sighed contentedly, leaning into the touches. "How are you feeling, huh?"

"I'm doin' alright. Someone took really good care of me."

"Mm...I don't know if I would say REALLY good..."

"You made the pain go away."

Otis fell silent as Cutter continued to massage him, working the aches and pains out of his taut muscles.

"Otis...?"

"Hnnn?" He whimpered, lax in his state of comfort.

"When was the first time you had good sex?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like...Sex that you actually wanted."

Otis sighed. "I don't know that you want the answer to that."

"Why? Was it with Baby?"

Otis paused and looked over his shoulder at Cutter.

"I'm not mad. I know you didn't force her to. She probably damn near forced you to."

"Ain't no forcin' that..."

"Mm. Yeah. She's beautiful." Cutter squeezed Otis particularly hard, making him flinch. "But that was the first time? That close to us?"

"Yeah. Never had that before. First time someone cared about what I wanted, not just their pleasure."

"Was that your first willing orgasm?"

"N-...Well...Yeah, probably. I mean, when I was selling sex that was always the goal, but...It didn't always happen for me."

"I always try to make sure you get what you want...That you enjoy it."

"I've never not enjoyed it with you. I've never not orgasmed..."

"I know...But just telling you."

Turning against him, Otis faced Cutter and kissed him, wrapping his arms around the clown's neck.

"You had customers today."

"Yeah. How can you tell?"

"You still smell like makeup." Otis nibbled lightly on Spaulding's ear.

"Mm...You sexy mother fucker come here." He pinned the smaller man to the bed, restraining his arms as he fell on his neck instantly. Otis arched his back and struggled lightly.

"John..." Otis whimpered breathlessly.

"I missed you so much..."

"How much?" He dared.

"Mm. I'll show you how much!" He flipped Otis's legs onto his shoulders and inserted his fingers, priming him. Otis squirmed, and Cutter vaguely wondered if he would ever be used to that. "Relax. Relax. It's just me."

"Show me how much you missed me."

Cutter plunged into Otis, who grimaced in slight pain. But as Cutter began to build a rhythm, he tilted his head back and allowed himself a gutteral moan of pleasure.

"Nmmm...John..."

"Feel good?" He panted.

Otis nodded.

"How do you want it tonight?"

"Just like this..." Otis whimpered as Cutter changed angles inside of him until he gasped and let his eyes roll back in his head.

"Aaaaah. There it is."

Otis began bucking his hips with Cutter's thrusts, unwilling to restrain his desires any longer.

When they were both satisfied, Cutter curled around Otis, holding him close as they both slumbered.

He hadn't thought they had been asleep that long until he looked at the clock from beside the bed, rather than in it.

Otis still flailed, struggling against invisible assailants, screaming in fury or fear, Cutter wasn't sure which.

"Otis...Otis! Wake up!"

He whimpered, still struggling, then backing himself into the corner the bed was positioned against, curling into a fetal position.

"Shhhh...Come on. Come on. Take it easy."

"Nn..."

"OTIS!"

Otis jerked his eyes open, screaming into the night as he awoke from his terror, scrambling further into the corner and staring wildly about the room.

"Hey. It's okay. It's okay..." He feared tonight would be one of those nights. One of those nights where things got particularly hairy. He slowly, gently reached out to touch him. Otis flinched back wildly, letting out an alarmed whimper.

"P...Please don't touch me."

Cutter sighed. God, please don't be another one of those nights. "Come on. It's just me..."

"AH! PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Shhhh. Shh. It's okay."

Otis shook violently, cowering from Cutter's hand, letting out a shrill, elongated squeak as he covered his face.

"Okay. Okay."

Cutter hated these nights. Hated them with a passion. He knew there was nothing he could do, and it made him feel powerless. Some nights, when his nightmares got particularly bad, Otis cowered. Not like he usually did; where he usually wanted held and kissed a little bit until he went back to sleep. But on these nights, no one could touch him. He had explained that it felt as if his father had severely beaten him again. On nights like this, some physical manifestation of depression would haunt Otis. Cutter would go so far as to say Otis suffered from severe PTSD- but he knew if he tried to bring it up it would end badly.

"Hey. Look at me. Look at me." He coaxed. Otis dared to peer at Cutter from behind tanned arms. "It's okay. You're here with me. He's not here. Your father isn't here to hurt you."

Otis nodded, whimpering as tears rolled down his face.

"You don't have to be ashamed. It's okay." His heart broke as he looked at Otis's face. He was so afraid, but also so disgusted and ashamed of himself. They had had this conversation many times: that Otis was ashamed of still being affected by his past. By how he was raped and abused and neglected so badly he almost didn't survive. Cutter understood- those things weren't just instances you got over like a papercut. Those wounds bled and ached long, long after they had been inflicted.

"It's okay. It's okay." Cutter reached out to gently caress Otis's back, but recoiled, knowing Otis would flinch. "Relax. You're safe."

"I'm sorry." Otis managed around sobs.

"Don't...Don't say you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about." Cutter smiled softly. "I love you."

Entwining his fingers in his hair, Otis pulled gently, still noticeably distressed.

"I know. I know. Just breathe. You're okay."

"H-How...how can you still...love me...?"

"Because. I fell in love with you. All of you. I only love you more the more of you I see." Cutter stood, leaving the room. "I know on nights like this I have to sleep on the couch...I love you. I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait! I-I..."

"It's okay." He settled on the couch for the night, expecting to sleep into the late morning. It didn't seem long, however, until Otis shook him awake.

"H-Hey...You...You don't...Have to stay down here..."

"Hn?"

"You can come back up..."

"It's okay. I understand. I'm not upset."

"I...Please come up?"

"Huh?"

"I...I want you to hold me...Please?"

"You sure?"

"Y...Yes..."

"What made it different this time."

"I...I was always afraid that you'd hurt me...That even though you said you wouldn't, you would use my weakness against me...But...I-I...I'm not afraid anymore."

Cutter smiled, rising from the couch. "Your skin still hurt?"

Otis nodded. "But it's okay..."

Letting Otis curl up to him as he pleased, Cutter finally settled in his bed, Otis's feet keeping his warm.


End file.
